Latest Tweets:

Share a coke with deez nuts

*1

I was allowed to come in late tomorrow to work, but for personal reasons (towing my car - it broke down) I have to come in at six. How shitty is that!

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fake boyfriend is #1 trending topic on Facebook.  

fake boyfriend is #1 trending topic on Facebook.  

*26

I need Chris Pratt to braid my hair.

rafi-dangelo:

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I have the most awkward, confusing boner right now!  I didn’t even know “must be able to French braid” was necessary, but now I have to add it to my husband application.  Chris Pratt just braided an intern’s hair while talking about Jurassic Park on Entertainment Tonight and now there’s a new genre of porn I need to create featuring buff white men playing with hair.

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mentalflossr:

Remember prom? Nikki Simmons probably won’t forget hers, even though the guy she asked had to politely decline. Seems he’d just gotten married and, honestly, he was probably busy.
11 Amazing Thank You Notes From Famous People

mentalflossr:

Remember prom? Nikki Simmons probably won’t forget hers, even though the guy she asked had to politely decline. Seems he’d just gotten married and, honestly, he was probably busy.

11 Amazing Thank You Notes From Famous People

(via teamcoco)

*2

Is a non-Spanish speaking guy asking you to speak Spanish in bed racist? Or just a “thing”? I’ve been asked to do this 3 times. Is it a thing that non-Hispanic guys who haven’t lived in major Hispanic markets (LA, Miami, NYC) are into? Whenever I’ve been asked I’ve felt like a token, but I don’t think any of those guys were just into me because I was Hispanic (I’m thinking it’s because of my personality. ha.)

It’s just a really weird thing. And I write “major Hispanic markets” because these guys were from metropolitan areas (Tampa, Toronto, DC), but never lived in Miami.

*3

deeaundra:

I changed a contact on my phone to “Dead To Me”

bringing the drama since the late 80s. 

It’s now been changed to “do not answer” but I’m still answering cause I’m awful

micdotcom:

Watch: 5 minutes of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’

Marvel’s choice to make Guardians of the Galaxy into a film may seem baffling, but the movie has the potential to be the most exciting sci-fi action film of the year — that is, if the teasers are anything to go by. 

What it’s got going for it | Follow micdotcom

(via popculturebrain)

*3

I changed a contact on my phone to “Dead To Me”

bringing the drama since the late 80s. 

*52

outthereorbitingaround:

Sunset Rubdown, You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet II)

Sunset Rubdown is still my favorite band.  Also, this album is basically summer 2009 for me, walking in the Tallahassee heat to my two classes that semester (Music of the Western Culture and Intro to Islam).  Man, I miss that summer. 

*9

I saw the pilot of You’re the Worst last night. It’s not an amazing show, but there are a few moments that were pretty much taken out of my life. In the pilot, the female lead spits on the dick of this film director she’s sleeping with, and he reacts with “…did you just spit on my dick?” to which she hesitates and responds with “no…….yes?” This happened to me.

After that exchange, the guy I did that to, unlike the guy in the show, got really into it. Like, afterwards when were sexting he would bring it up. It was a weird thing to be complimented on, but I enjoy being complimented in general, especially in an area that I’m not 100% comfortable in (sex) so anything works for me.

So when I get down there, within the first 2 minutes he would ask for it (not a, “Can you spit on my dick?” but “ARE you going to spit on my dick?”) I was like “dude, yes I will but please. Hold on one second. Let me do what I do.” but really I just said “I’ll do it when I want to do it” which might’ve been even hotter for him CAUSE AIN’T NO ONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!

There’s another part where she yells at the male lead “Congratulations, you took a weak gazelle. There should be an asterisk next to my name on you slut list that says ‘she would’ve slept with anyone that night.’” Which is really something I wish I could say to people that I don’t really talk to anymore.

I don’t think this show is going to last more than 3 or 4 seasons but it’s nice to see a show with a female lead that I can relate to.

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Denial is not a river in Egypt, it’s Diandra’s current state.

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"I ain’t got shit to do, but fall in love with you."

Childish Gambino

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fuckyeahbillhader:

 Amy Schumer and Bill Hader are seen filming ‘Trainwreck’ in East Village on July 16, 2014 in New York City

fuckyeahbillhader:

 Amy Schumer and Bill Hader are seen filming ‘Trainwreck’ in East Village on July 16, 2014 in New York City

lletstalkaboutmusic:

Interpol - Obstacle 1

Seeing Interpol later in the year.  This album is over 12 years old and it’s still relevant (to my personal life, at least)

Also, “her stories are boring and stuff” is such an underrated line.